NYT Op-Ed on Children and Marriage

Great Op-Ed in the NYT – Til Children Do Us Part – that supports a couple of things I’ve always suspected:

• Couples who think having children will make their marriage better or more blissful are delusional.
• Children don’t need their parents to spend more time with them. They need their parents to take good care of the marriage, thereby creating a happier and more stable environment for the offspring.

Easy for childless me to say, right? 😉

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Growing a Marriage

Even though I don’t have kids, I love the Momversations. The ladies on the panel are insightful and smart, and it’s fun to see the faces behind the blogs. The Momversation called Keeping Your Marriage Fresh was particularly interesting, given my relatively new married status. I can only imagine how challenging it must be to try to nurture a marriage with kids in the picture. And managing to keep some degree of romance? Sheesh.

It reminds me of a discovery I made not long ago.

It’s a funny thing. No one tells you that one of the absolute most unromantic things you can possibly do in a relationship is move in together. But it’s true. Yes, by moving in together you’re taking the relationship “to the next level.” But it’s a level where most of the mystery disappears. And that giddy anticipation before you see your honey? Gone. Cause he’s there all the time. Romance and excitement are fairly effortless when you’re dating – that’s why it’s fun. But being married means you’ve traded (at least some) excitement for security and long-term commitment.

Marriage is a scary thing. Hardly a day goes by in which the profound challenge of growing a life-long relationship does not cross my mind. I know how to excel in school and at work. Those things come pretty naturally to me. I have no training for being successful in marriage. A few (very few) instincts about what to do and what not to do, maybe. But in my own life I don’t have models of marriage that I can emulate, and I don’t have clear ideas about what I need to do to be successful.

When it comes to maintaining my health, I truly believe that healthy daily habits are key. I suspect that marriage works the same way, in some respects. Some of what you have is due to luck. But a lot of what you have is due to the daily work you put into it. A topic I’m sure I’ll be revisiting often.

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